Dear Doctor Loveland,

I’ve had this unique issue going on for a few months, 7, to be exact. I was introduced to someone who worked with the same company as mine but never in my building or city for that matter. I’ve never seen him or meet him before and he doesn’t live near me. It’s a huge company and you don’t know anyone outside of your office but he was there this day. I instantly felt attracted to him and want to get to know him better, but I didn’t want to over step my bondouries if he was married (yes I checked- no ring, but that means nothing anymore)

Since then I can’t stop thinking of him and I’ve even asked co-workers if they know him and some have even offered up the ‘he’s newly single…Wink wink’ before telling me much else. I’ve only heard good things and that he’s really nice. Three months later we had a work event, he was there but I didn’t even say I hi or anything…I felt like an idiot. The next day I felt I’ve lost a chance to talk to him and I saw his name on the way to work, the same way I take DAILY. I thought it was werid and maybe a sign. Since then I have seen his name everywhere his name isn’t common and I have started to keep notes of this because it’s just crazy. I have noticed the name on 16 different occasions. My story is I have been single for ever and I am a mom, I have never actually dated in the last 15plus years. I am a good catch but alittle apprehensive about the dating scene and scared. I don’t work there anymore for other reasons but also feel I needed to leave if this would ever happen. I’m not good at relationships nor have good modeled relationships/marriages. Which is my intent of dating in the first place.

Am i over thinking things and just go for it or should I just leave it be?

V

Dear V,

What can I say but GO FOR IT! Seize the day mama! You can do this. I recommend you find every TV, book, and movie character you admire that is brave and soak those women in. Find a role model for courage and just fake it til you make it. Make this happen. If you don’t explore this further you will continue to be curious and wonder why you had all these signs to move forward and explore something with this man. You honestly have nothing to lose but perhaps a fantasy. Now you are trapped in fantasy and this guy is looking pretty great. If the worst case happens where you are faced with a small amount of rejection, first of all that is about him, NOT YOU, and secondly you are now moving forward knowing he wasn’t all that great anyway because he wasn’t available for you. No more wasting time in fantasy. Just be bold and go for it. I recommend you do this with him and about dating in general. I am sorry you feel you aren’t good at relationships but it sounds like you have been single for quite some time so stop telling yourself that old story that you aren’t good at relationships. You don’t know if that is true anymore. You are older and wiser. Now we just need to get you open and brave. Start living your life and allowing love to come in. You can do this with dating or just getting social and meeting new people. Don’t beat yourself up for not speaking to this man but start to build yourself up so that you can be brave and emulate some of those fierce women you look up to by seizing the moment the next time this may happen with this man or another. I would see all these signs not necessarily pointing in the direction of this one man, but signs your heart is opening and you are ready to be out there again. Start telling yourself the story in your head that you are great at relationships. You are a mother. Being a mother immediately has given you genuine practice in how to have relationships. In parenting we compromise, communicate, and become more than improved at being in relationships. We shine. Now go spread your light! Be bold!

Fiercely,

Doctor Loveland